This blog is about what road I'm on and my journey in getting there. Maybe with a little work, I'll end up in paradise.

Saying Goodbye

I  think I’ve always had a hard time saying goodbye to people.  I don’t mean the short “see you next week” goodbyes, I’m talking about the goodbyes where I may never see you again. 

In the last place that I lived I had made a lot of friends, good friends.  I’m not sure if they knew how much I really appreciated their friendship, but I really liked these people.  I guess we’re suppose to really like our friends, otherwise they wouldn’t be friends right?  My youngest son used to come home from elementary school and tell me how much he hated his friends.  I would secretly laugh, trying to hold back my emotions while he poured his heart out about the problems all his friends had.  I also secretly understood what he meant.  I often pretended to be friends with needy people.  I couldn’t seem to just come out and say, “I really don’t like you, and I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”  Now that I’m a little older and wiser, I do tell some people.  But it really gets me in trouble.  It’s worth it though, now I don’t have friends that I don’t like.  Weird huh?

Anyway, saying goodbye has been very painful for me.  When I had to say goodbye to my friends in the last town that I lived in, I cried everyday for months.  I couldn’t even talk to them after I left, I guess I was just feeling too sorry for myself.  I’m about to say goodbye to some really good people again.  I’m not moving or anything, I’ll still be around, but I won’t be in their lives like we’re used to.

I don’t feel so bad though.  Does this mean that I’ve matured and am able to handle the goodbye emotions easier?  Or am I not feeling sorry for myself so much anymore?  Am I actually glad that I’m leaving?  I just don’t know.  I’d like to think I’m wiser and healthier, so perhaps I’ll go with that for a while.

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